Heavenly Birthday.

Today is #humpday and also my Dads first heavenly birthday (86yrs).

As ever this has given me lots of time for reflection and thoughts.

I have so many memories I could write a book~who knows one day I just might!

A particular memory sprang to mind earlier, it was this exact day 20 years ago. The dj was playing ‘you sexy thing’ Dad was on the dance floor dancing in the middle of a big circle of family and friends.

We all cheered,clapped and danced along~big smiles on everyones faces.
Good old Dad loved a sing song and a boogie~I love the fact thats where I get it from.

So much has happened in those 20years.
I have been blessed with two beautiful children, survived one divorce and had my heart broken twice.

Never in a million years did I predict that I would be sitting here, tears falling from my eyes~writing these words.

All those years ago~life seemed so simple everything mapped out for the future.

No one ever knows what is around the corner for each and everyone of us,no one knows what will happen and how that will change the direction of lifes journey.

I have learnt many things over these years, things that only life can teach you. Some of those lessons have been hard and I can honestly say that losing Dad has been one of the very hardest things to ever happen to me.

Although he isn’t here physically~his love for us all ensured that he is always guiding us and showing us that no matter what~ love really does make the world go round, it shows itself in different ways and with different people.

I am truly blessed to have been loved and to continue to be loved by those around me.

Although I know the heart ache of losing Dad will never ease~I also know that life is for living,smile and be happy. Let people know you love them and make the most of every day.

Happy Birthday to my wonderful Dad, we will raise a glass to you tonight.
Love you and miss you each and every day.❤ x

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One of those days…

Today is Thursday~nothing extraordinary about that,except its not just been Thursday~its been one of ‘those days’.

One of those days where you wake up feeling tired,you rush around from work,straight to visit a Sixth form with your eldest child and wonder where on earth the years have gone,it only seems like yesterday we were waving her off for her first day at school and now her last days there are looming large.

One of those days when you miss someone so bad,you would literally give anything to hear their voice or see their face for real,not just in the dreams that feel so real they can be heartbreaking at times.

One of those days when being a single parent hits you hard~for no particular reason other than simply because some days are just hard.

Everyday is a juggle but I guess some days the weight of what we juggle feels heavier and today was ‘one of those days’.❤x

Glamping 2019

What better way to start a rainy Sunday than to sort through pictures of a fabulous few days away at the end of the summer holidays.


We stayed at Botany Camping and had our very first taste of Glamping!
We also managed to squeeze in a seaside visit, a trip to the doctors, one broken phone disaster and a wonderful day out at longleat.


O

obviously there is a never dull moment but surely that just adds to the fun?! We loved it and can’t wait to go again.❤x

Yesterday

Yesterday’s antics~rope swinging, tree climbing and bbqing and yes I did all 3 of those! I was slightly concerned that I might fall out of a certain tree~but as you can imagine I literally made it to the first branch and lets face if would of had a soft landing hehehe.❤x

This is me.

Hey everyone~I am back, obviously I have always been here in a physical sense but after some time,I am finally starting to feel like me again.

For a while I was worried that might never happen and whilst there is no denying that there’s a hole in my heart that will never heal, I know Dad would want us all to push forward and keep smiling.

As lifes rollercoaster takes us on our journey, with its ups and downs, twists and turns, just hold on tight.

Dad always said there is nothing that can’t be solved between us, no problem that can’t be shared, I hold that sentiment close and thank everyone in my life for being the wonderful friends and family you are, for being by my side through thick and thin.
❤x

P.S (this photo was taken last week~I couldn’t bring myself to use one from today after an afternoon of rope swinging, tree climbing and bbqing,I look slightly bedraggled hehehe.)

Thursday thoughts…

Thursday thoughts…

Not every story has a fairytale ending.

Not every question you ask will receive an answer.

Not every chapter will give you closure.

Don’t waste your time or energy on people/things who aren’t willing to treat you the same, use that precious energy and time for those who want to share everything this crazy life has to throw at you.

Don’t look back in anger,look forwards with a smile on your face.

The only way is up. ❤x

We are sailing

On Thursday,I had my first session with a counsellor,to help me try and make sense of everything since Dad has passed.

I had never met this lady before,she knew nothing about me or my life.but after 50mins of crying and laughing (from me!) She said ‘I can tell what a wonderful,strong supportive family you all are’.

That brought yet more tears to my eye~I felt proud that in such a short space of time she could see and feel so much about our family life.

As with lots of families,we may not live close by, we may not talk every day,we may even fall out from time to time but the fact remains,that what we do have is an unbreakable bond held together by love.

Dad was a keen fisherman,he steered our ship through stormy weather,sunshine and cloudy days. He rode the waves with us,all of the ups and downs,the laughter and the tears. No problem was ever too big or too small~he was always there with advice,even if at the time you might of thought you didn’t need it!

He was our anchor and helped to keep life plain sailing even through the darkest of times.

Losing Dad has left a hole in my heart that can never be filled. He really was one of a kind and truly meant something to everyone who’s lifes he touched.

Although he may no longer be physically here with us~his legacy guide’s us through and gives us the strength and courage to pull together as a family.

One of his biggest lessons he taught us is the meaning of love,respect,family and friendship. He showed us how to share love as a family and welcome others into it too.

I often joke that if you are a part of my life,you are a part of our families life too,that’s the way it goes.

As the saying says ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’, well in this family if you have a problem it can always be shared between us and thats a whole lot of sharing to go round!

As I continue to navigate my journey which has undoubtedly taken some very different pathways lately.

I would like to thank everyone who is with me for the ride,you are all amazing, wiping away my tears, giving me hugs and reasons to smile, a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.

Life is made up of moments,memories, family, friendship and above all love.

Whatever you do cherish these things, hold them close and dont be afraid to show your emotions, tell people how you feel about them, shout it from the rooftops if you have to.

We get one shot at this crazy thing we call life~lets make it the best we can,forgive easily and love well.

❤x

These kids drive me to wine~even though they aren’t here! They’ve been gone for less than 2hours and I miss them already.
Its too quiet and I have no arguments to referee.

This co~parenting business doesn’t get any easier, saying goodbye to them with a smile on my face, then having a few quiet tears when I shut the door.
Don’t get me wrong I am grateful that they have both parents who love and care for them so much,and step parents who play a huge part in their life’s too.

I am grateful that between us~that’s a whole lot of love to go around.
Sometimes though knowing they are off to make memories without me,sharing times I will never know about,it does pull on my heart strings. It just goes to show you never really know where this path of life will take you.

All you can do is keep moving forwards,keep smiling and keep loving. Life is too short for anything less.❤x

Memories are made of this…

Its been a busy weekend here at the crazy household.
Yesterday we walked and shopped for hours quite literally.

Today we spent a lovely afternoon at the beach,having a belated birthday picnic for Helly. This is a tradition we have had since the children’s first birthdays and today 15yrs later we are still going strong.

Some dynamics may be different but the love that bonds us all together as family and friends will never change and that is something I am truly grateful for.

Now I am up to my eyes in packing~the kids are off on holiday with their Dad.
I know they will have an amazing time,but even now after doing this for quite a few years~its still an odd feeling as you get your children ready for an adventure that you are not a part of.
It’s going to be quiet without them that’s for sure!

❤x

Chapters

This post popped up as a memory from last year.
So much has changed within that year but the sentiment remains the same.
As I continue my journey through this crazy life, I do so with some people sadly missing.
Although they may no longer be a part of my life, the memories will help shape my future.❤x

Life is like a book,it’s made up of stories,pictures and words.

Some chapters are fun and exciting,some are slow and may even seem a little dull.
Some we want to last forever and never end.
Others we want to skip through quickly hoping that better things are waiting for us around that corner,with a turn of a page or 2.

These chapters are shaped by our lives, our hopes,dreams and disappointment.

They are narrated by us,read by others and at times judged by those who feel they have to the right to do so.

Some people may even be jealous of your story, to that I say go ahead and write your own story, fill your book with chapters of love and happiness.

May the happy pages outweigh the sad ones, may the good times prevail. May love guide and protect you whilst you navigate this crazy life.

All the while never forgetting that it’s never too late to turn a page and use that blank paper to rewrite your dreams and bring them to life.

To everyone who makes my very own book the bright, colourful, funny,crazy, page turning ‘novel’ that it is, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you are all fabulous and I love sharing the highs and lows with you all.
Much love.❤x