One of those days…

Today is Thursday~nothing extraordinary about that,except its not just been Thursday~its been one of ‘those days’.

One of those days where you wake up feeling tired,you rush around from work,straight to visit a Sixth form with your eldest child and wonder where on earth the years have gone,it only seems like yesterday we were waving her off for her first day at school and now her last days there are looming large.

One of those days when you miss someone so bad,you would literally give anything to hear their voice or see their face for real,not just in the dreams that feel so real they can be heartbreaking at times.

One of those days when being a single parent hits you hard~for no particular reason other than simply because some days are just hard.

Everyday is a juggle but I guess some days the weight of what we juggle feels heavier and today was ‘one of those days’.❤x

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This is me.

Hey everyone~I am back, obviously I have always been here in a physical sense but after some time,I am finally starting to feel like me again.

For a while I was worried that might never happen and whilst there is no denying that there’s a hole in my heart that will never heal, I know Dad would want us all to push forward and keep smiling.

As lifes rollercoaster takes us on our journey, with its ups and downs, twists and turns, just hold on tight.

Dad always said there is nothing that can’t be solved between us, no problem that can’t be shared, I hold that sentiment close and thank everyone in my life for being the wonderful friends and family you are, for being by my side through thick and thin.
❤x

P.S (this photo was taken last week~I couldn’t bring myself to use one from today after an afternoon of rope swinging, tree climbing and bbqing,I look slightly bedraggled hehehe.)

We are sailing

On Thursday,I had my first session with a counsellor,to help me try and make sense of everything since Dad has passed.

I had never met this lady before,she knew nothing about me or my life.but after 50mins of crying and laughing (from me!) She said ‘I can tell what a wonderful,strong supportive family you all are’.

That brought yet more tears to my eye~I felt proud that in such a short space of time she could see and feel so much about our family life.

As with lots of families,we may not live close by, we may not talk every day,we may even fall out from time to time but the fact remains,that what we do have is an unbreakable bond held together by love.

Dad was a keen fisherman,he steered our ship through stormy weather,sunshine and cloudy days. He rode the waves with us,all of the ups and downs,the laughter and the tears. No problem was ever too big or too small~he was always there with advice,even if at the time you might of thought you didn’t need it!

He was our anchor and helped to keep life plain sailing even through the darkest of times.

Losing Dad has left a hole in my heart that can never be filled. He really was one of a kind and truly meant something to everyone who’s lifes he touched.

Although he may no longer be physically here with us~his legacy guide’s us through and gives us the strength and courage to pull together as a family.

One of his biggest lessons he taught us is the meaning of love,respect,family and friendship. He showed us how to share love as a family and welcome others into it too.

I often joke that if you are a part of my life,you are a part of our families life too,that’s the way it goes.

As the saying says ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’, well in this family if you have a problem it can always be shared between us and thats a whole lot of sharing to go round!

As I continue to navigate my journey which has undoubtedly taken some very different pathways lately.

I would like to thank everyone who is with me for the ride,you are all amazing, wiping away my tears, giving me hugs and reasons to smile, a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.

Life is made up of moments,memories, family, friendship and above all love.

Whatever you do cherish these things, hold them close and dont be afraid to show your emotions, tell people how you feel about them, shout it from the rooftops if you have to.

We get one shot at this crazy thing we call life~lets make it the best we can,forgive easily and love well.

❤x

Dad

Dad….

Today and every day I remember you.
I think of all the things I can’t do anymore~I can’t call you up, text you, hear your voice, see your face, give you a hug or tell you I love you.

I can’t tell you how much we all miss you more than words will ever say.

What I can do is hold onto the memories you gave us, the ones that will live on in us all forever.

You taught us so much (yes we were listening!),you have showed us the true meaning of family and love.

You were a tower of strength, the boss of our family and will always be our hero and a true legend.

We will raise a glass to you today and say a big cheers.

Don’t ever forget its not goodbye its see you later.

Love you always x x x

Capture the memories

I am not a fan of having my picture taken,unless its a selfie that has been attempted many times and edited until I am happy with it.

Our Dad was always snapping photos, random moments when we weren’t looking or weren’t camera ready.

I would often take his phone and say ‘oh dad thats awful, delete that one or please don’t put that on facebook’.

Looking back does any of that matter? Who cares if an image of me was captured when I felt I wasn’t looking my best? Those pictures are moments in time,memories captured right in the moment. Moments we will never get back again.

There comes a time in our lives when photographs are the only visual representation of loved ones and life itself, be in the photos, be happy, be impulsive, be present.

Have those moments to look back on, to laugh, to cry, to remember but mostly to love.❤x

Grief

Grief~a small word with a huge meaning. It rocks up uninvited, makes itself at home and before you know it, its joining you each and every day.

Where you go, it goes.

Its like a constant shadow, always there, sometimes its quiet and gentle, other times it leaps up and slaps you in the face, catching you unaware.

It brings tears~ sometimes of happiness as it reminds you of the good times and sometimes of sadness as you ache for those things you will never have, see or do again.

They say that to grieve means you have loved and felt love that’s why it hurts so much.

Much like the sea, the waves of grief ebb and flow, back and forth,up and down. Good days and harder days.

Grief is here to stay, however it will never take away the love and memories that will live on to be cherished forever.❤x

All my love,all my life.

Dad this ones for you~I know you would be surprised that me your youngest daughter and biggest wimp going went and had this done today! I was quite suprised myself to be honest but these words~your words mean so much to me.

Dad I miss you more than words can say. I heard your song before I went in so I know I have your approval.❤x

Moments and Memories

Yesterday I upgraded my phone and this afternoon I was checking that everything had crossed over ok,especially my text messages. I came across some messages from my Dad and as it happened as I scrolled through,the message I came to was one arranging for us to go out for dinner with Mum and Dad the night before Dan and I went to Paris.

I read it and it made me smile,I could hear his voice in that text, I tried to read some more but the tears in my eyes wouldn’t let me.

It really is true when people say you never realise how moments quickly become a memory.

I know we are lucky very lucky to have such wonderful memories to cherish now and forever. ❤x